1. A sudden desire or change of mind, esp. one that is unusual or unexplained.
2. A windlass for raising ore or water from a mine.

On a whim, I bought a red foil balloon at the grocery store. The message “I Love You” streamed across the front in billowy script. As I was loading bags into my car, the balloon’s string slid through my fingers. I stood there watching it float away, and soon it was nothing more than a tiny red dot—finally, just a memory.

My Observation:

There is a “HIM” in the word but leads by a “W”. Interesting!

I woke up rather early this morning because an text message came in around 7.08am. Unlike most fully employed souls of this increasing capitalist world, i have been spending more years in school being educated, perhaps more than what was necessary by most people’s standard.

The text message was an invitation (or rather urgent request) to an emceeing gig for an International Conference at the Kuala Lumpur Conventional Center. Instantly, I was feeling like an Owen Yap wanna-be! I could SOON be embodying the post-modern hip SELF, a multiple self titles such as newscaster/model/artiste/….

Yet, I didn’t agree to host the event because unlike most of my “sit-around” day, i’ve got plans today: a lunch with a dear friend (Dr. Adliah Mohd. Ali) and attending a baby’s full month party at 6pm. So, for the record,  i was not saying “NO” because i wanted more money for the 10am to 6pm gig! I am after all, not “Oven” Yap! I couldn’t possibly make demands like that!

I was wide awake after those thoughts had ran through my head. This was 7.30am!

I got up and finished my breakfast. While washing up at the kitchen, i proudly told the aunt, who came to visit his son-my dear friend, that I was going out for lunch with friend this afternoon just to have a small talk with her. Her reply worth “million dollar”! She said, “your friend also don’t work like you”? I did manage to put a smile on my face and said, “no the only person who isn’t working in this world is me”.

Even i was wide awake earlier, this was an awakening moment! Well, not that i was going to go to a construction site and find work there. :”) Soon but not TODAY. First, she really spoke her mind and what’s playing in her mind was “why aren’t you working?”. She didn’t say it directly of course but her replied was classic, don’t you think?! :”). She meant no harm but maybe it was just a Freudian slip!

“your friend also don’t work like you”?

Suddenly i felt bad for Dr. Adliah Mohd Ali, an UKM trained pharmacist, a successful career woman who will soon received her PhD! Because she was associated with me as a friend, she was, in my aunt mind, perceived to be “an unemployed friend” of mine! To her it was probably logical just like druggies befriend druggies! It is logical to me as well because Doctors befriend doctors! except, this one is unemployed!

When I was at the Internet cafe filling up and sending off some resumes yesterday, the gentleman sitting next to me was browsing a job searching site. As i opened my RESUME, the ikanpatin, PhD. was parading in front of me reminding me of my shame of having a PhD but unemployed. But that did not awaken me. But the phrase “your friend also don’t work like you” DID the job this morning.

One can only lie to the self for so many times, once it passes a certain frequency of repetition the lie becomes reality, or it could become reality.

In my regular midnight chat with a dear friend, Ling, yesterday, I told her i wonder why people need constant narratives to convince themselves about their decisions. For example, newly engaged couples tell practically everyone in the world how they met, how they got together as if they have to convince the world they’re now “we”! Married couples with children tell their friends how they are so busy with their kids and family now they have to spend less time with friends and on themselves. They are telling their friends, “look, we’re married with children now and have different sets of priorities and we have all the reasons to be what we are!”

Constantly telling somethings to others may just be a way to reassure one self. But once something or some decision needs reassurance, doesn’t it actually reflect doubts and uncertainties?

Yes, I am awake and is awaken. Off to take a shower and leave the house! I’m treating Dr. Adliah to a movie with Jen Aniston!

Since i have been (and am still) uninspired to write any new entries, but i am not uninspired to read and constantly searching for inspirational readings. Often, i encounter some rather unfamiliar big words so i thought to myself tonight, if i have to look those words up, why don’t i share those words with myself and other? It could certainly show how uneducated am i and maybe inspire someone else to learn some new words!

1. Harsh criticism or censure.
2. The public disgrace arising from someone’s shameful conduct.


BRITISH social researcher Simon Anholt attracted some opprobrium this week when he said Australia was seen as the world’s ”dumb blonde”: attractive, but shallow and self-possessed. It is not fair, but it is no less fair than the unflattering generalisations we make about the rest of the world, including the Brits. And since most of the rest of the world knows Australia only by media imagery, it is a perception that we either will have to deal with or learn to live with. Protesting that it is wrong won’t change it.

An Utusan Malaysia’s report suggests that the famous and not in exile Raja Petra, known as RPK, could have used a passport from a neighboring country to flee to Britain. Without any doubt, the report raised the question of RPK’s disloyalty, especially holding a neighboring country’s passport. The departure left the Immigration Department puzzled, which is not a surprise, judging that the entry information of Altantuya was “mysteriously” missing from the data. Aiyoyo, I wonder what passport did the missing Malaysian fighter jet engines used to bring itself out of Malaysia to Argentina (or possibly the Middle East)? Were these jet engines being disloyal? Did they use Petronas’ petro to fly out? What about the royalty of those “ikan bilis” who brought them out?

In a separate incident, Dr Ridhuan Tee Abdullah suggested that the Malay-Muslim in Malaysia have more rights because they are the majority. Without any doubt, his “formula” was criticized but aiyoyo, are we seeing the rise of another Mahathir wannabe? No I wasn’t refer to the forthcoming of another great and charismatic leader but rather a wannabe so-called leader who denounced his own cultural “root”, just like Mahathir?

The fish will swim again…

I was lucky to have met Yasmin in 2008 but I did not have the chance to tell her how much i like one of the Chinese New Year advertisement.

My grandmother (from my motherside) passsed away last saturday night. She died alone in bed at night around 11pm after my mother left her side at 10pm. Here are three things that i’ve learned for her passing.

1. My father treated his adopted mother, who passed away in 2003, way better than any of my uncles and aunts treated my grandmother. Yes, i am biase because i can be.

2. My mother is extremely hard-headed but also extremely soft-hearted. My aunt told me over the phone that she couldnt bear losing her mother. She told me again over the phone tonight.

3. I am the combination of both my parents and i shall thank God for them.